Late late late post

Dear Babes,
Wow..... Its been some time since i last wrote a letter to you, i guess i was really busy that i had no time to write one. I'm sorry. but still, im still waiting for your long long long text. HAHAHAHA... well, we have been fighting a lot but the fights were all quite healthy i guess, im sorry im not the ideal girlfriend that you would imagine cause i get jealous pretty easily and i tend to be short tempered. You are very kesian because i know u love two girls and you try your best to make both happy. hahahahaha... sadness life. i love you to bits and i cant wait to spend another year with you. we will both get very busy and all but we still will get in touch and be together :) eheheheheheh
Love,
Me

Dear Mr. Panda,
Another week has past yeah? Hahahaha... Thank you for everything this week from helping me with hangers to printer to spending time with me during my birthday. I miss you so much and I love you so much. Thanks for getting the bill and settling everything for me. I owe you too much la.... Sorry that this week we only talked a lot durind my birthday and all. Cny is around the corner and I'm busy preparing for it here and there. Can't wait for you to come to kuching. Sorry for complaining to you about my stomachache and making you worry when I cut or knock or hurt myself. Hahaahah! Was glad to help you do your quiz which sadly we only got 14/15. Dang it... But I'm happy to spend a lot of time with you as much as I can. Thank you babes. I love you a lot and will love you more 😘
Love,
Me

Hey

Dear Mr. Panda,

How are you Mr. Panda? Its been 2 weeks since I last spent time physically with you. How time flies huh? 2 more weeks till i see you again. I hope you are doing fine as I know alot of things have happened along the way and you were really bothered about it. We have been quite peaceful this week. I just want you to know that im really proud of your achievement and the decisions that you have made and im so proud of you to be standing here after having so many problems and hurt from everyone. Stronger than ever. Im sorry to offend you today but i really had no intention on doing so. I just wanted you to enjoy your time and just relax and chill with fb and insta. that's really it. I love you talking to me and i know you love it too. Thanks for cheering me up all the time and always try to take out the negativity in me :) I really love you and your presence. :) 

Love,

Me

being strong

Everyone tells me that im such a strong spirited person, a person who is not only strong physically but also mentally. I dont really know whether or not i should be happy about this. At one point, no one has ever seen the weak side of me except for you and I dont really know who to talk to at this time of the day because my thoughts are messing me up. I know its a good thing to be strong and all but they cant take it when im weak and sometimes, i just want to be weak and tell people that I cant handle it. They would always tell me that this is not the strong tham i know, tham is not that weak. i mean urgh..... i just wana break down and cry some times. not all the time i have to be strong. spiritually down. help.

messed up

Dear Bie,
This week has been really rough and tough for you huh? All the drama and all the bad comments from others have kept you not only agitated but hurt so much, it breaks my heart to see you go through all these and all I can do is sit here and support you morally. I really dont know what is going to happen this week but I pray that things will get better and if it doesn't, I pray that you will have the strength to go through it. I am really sorry for pushing things and not considering Wini in things. I guess my goals were always set and that i  was really selfish and did not care about others' feelings. I hope the future will always stay bright for us. I couldn't sleep well thinking about things, what should I do? What should I feel? What should be done? Why cant I just leave the thoughts at one side? I'm so messed up. I love you so much and I can give up anything for you (except religion) hahahahaha. When you told me how badly you were treated by Wini and how badly people said about you, I only wish and hope that you can take everything in. I feel sad cause I can't offer you a hug or lend you my shoulder as physically I am not present. However, I am happy for you as you are able to pick yourself right up and learn and mature and grow from these situation. I would like to see another Aaron who has his own mindset on things and philosophy one day. I hope the day when you mature is not far from now. I wish you all the best in studies and everything you do in life. About us, I really don't know how to control my feelings for you. I guess I will just have to let time do it's magic.
Love,
Me

Guilt

Dear Bie,
Having the guilt inside me is really killing me, I did not mean to hurt you nor your relationship with wini. I had no intention of slapping you and wrestling you. But thank you so much for teaching me one valuable lesson. You might think its just some bull shit telling you this but i really love you and I really found the purpose of life because of you. Thank you for teaching me something I have never learnt before. I miss you so much, I just want to be with you and just spend time with you. It's been some time when we fought like that and im sorry i was unable to control myself. I feel really bad and guilty. But i really love you without doubt. How I wish we were of the same race. You complete me so much but its just sad we cant grow old together. I hope im able to spend the max amount of time with you while im here.
love,
me

Last of the year

Hello Aaron (first time),
Haaaaaa.... One year..... Just like that. I have known for one year already. Im sorry but this is just so hard for me to imagine that once was a stranger is now the guy I cant live without. A lot has happened between our friendship and relationship. Let's go down a trip to memory lane. I still remember my first friend in sunway, in MUFY, sat next to you and had the same english class. Then you started approaching me, holding my hand and we started to text a lot. Slowly, I showed you all my pictures during chinese new year and you even celebrated my birthday with me. Just like that, we got together without even asking each other. Having the urge to kiss me after one week of being together, you would always play with my lips when I lay on your lap. It was after that then you kissed me on the lips. We sucked in kissing but we would practise it every night. Slowly, we started sharing dinner and I would I always wait for you to eat dinner with me. As times past, you started to have more indian friends but I was just stuck to you. I guess after that a lot of bad things happened and we were fighting non stop. But we somehow pulled it off. After that, we were closer than ever, we would spend so much time together. I felt really special and happy. Remembering the one week of holiday in March when I played you the first song but I never really got the chance cause you were so busy with them. Slowly, you did not want to go to the foyer, not even to see me but i would still go to school just to hope you would appear. Not to forget when you left your wallet at rock, we ran all the way back to take it. I would always walk you back before I walk back to hostel cause you were scared of the dark and walking alone. After sem 1, we both were apart for one month and we would keep in touch always, skyping and texting like always, playing FIFA against each other. As I thought we were destined to be together, reality hit me and told me we have no future together. The beginning was the toughest time ever for me, I cried so much, I went crazy so much, I just lost myself. But slowly I was able to pick myself back up again. Buying you stuff and pampering you more became something I do because I just cant get you off my mind. Making your birthday special was in my mind all year long and I was glad i was able to make yo cry :P But i  really wanted to go graduation night with you. The new year is coming and I would like to show you my gratitude for you coming into my life. You are the only person I have loved with all my heart and I wont stop.Thank you for coming into my life. All my life I have never depended on anyone especially my emotions and you were the first one i express and depend on. I am sorry for all the dramas and hurt i have caused to you. I hope you understand.  I am really proud of you and what you have achieved and i wish you the best for your future, I hope that we would still be able to be best friends until forever.
Much love,
Tham

Confession

This is not a letter to you but a confession that I think you should know about. There are things you do not know about my past which I have not told you (maybe). Well, my policy was always to be as strong as guys, sometimes even stronger. I never needed to depend on anyone or anything my whole life. I dont ever like EVER show any weakness to people. People tend to see me as someone very great because I go through every shit by myself without shedding a tear. Knowing that I depend on you and show my true self to you makes you someone very important to me. You think that I over react to create havoc but actually it is just my way to show my opinion. I dont expect anyone to understand la

Thanks so much

Dear Bie,
This week was such a magical week. It was fairly good and bad. but thanks so much for taking time and effort to bring us here and there. it was really such an awesome time to be able to play the jet ski with you and play in the beach with you, it was so awesome la. hahahahaha. i hope you enjoyed yourself too :) hahahaaha. did we fight ah? no right? hahahaha!!!!! well, i love you so much and im sorry if i lied to you :) i hope you like everything i got u and the hard disc i got you. take it as a motivation for you to strive in your future. make sure you take something that you are passionate about kay? I will support you in any way i can :) love you!
Love,
Me

Happy

Dear Mr. Panda,
After one month being away with you, I finally met you! How have you been? I'm doing alright I guess. Been so busy trying to firgure out my life :) I haven't had a lot contact with you because I guess you were visiting most of the time and I was busy with family. I'm glad that everything is settled down and I get to spend some time with you. Thank you so much for dropping me when you were so busy with ur uncle. I really appreciate it. I love you :) hope our friendship will last long :)
Love,
Me

For you

Hey Mr. Panda,
OMG Mr. Panda is like the cutest thing ever. HAAHAHAHAHAHA. ahhhhhh.... this week is such an up and down week. i cried so much this week. first i cried cause you did not reach 72% cause i really wanted you to study in monash with me but its okay that u are studying in Sunway too. I am glad that you got the course that you wanted and enjoy :). i cried again later on cause i tot  thought i was going to lose you cause we wont be talking much and made a drama scene out of it. Im sorry, i shouldn't irrupted. Family problems came up this week and thanks for being there for me. Im happy that you and Wini are doing fine and yea I do get jealous when you talk about how much you want to be with her but hey, im cool :) i love you so much and i love knowing you are happy. i might over react a lot of times but thats for being so understanding. i really appreciate it a lot. I love u so much, way more than i have loved anyone else. hehehehehe xD you are my everything and i love u.
Love,
Mua

Aye?

Hello Mr. Panda,
One week just passed by like that. We have fought a lot due to my PMS i guess and im really sorry about it. I want to just tell you that I once was afraid that someone might take my place in your heart on day and sooner or later you are gonna forget about me and leave me. You might get mad by thinking how immature my thoughts are. haha. Well, I think, now, I just hope you are able to be with someone that loves you more than I do, cares for you, makes me happy and maybe even do things that i have never done for you. Im on a constant battle with my jealousy but I just never really told you about it cause you'd probably think why am i so insecure when you try to give your best to me. I don't know why up until now im still so jealous la. I just know I really love you la.
Love,
Me

you deserve better

Dear Bie,
A week has past in just a blink of an eye. I flew to Taiwan and you had your surgery which was the key point to everything. First of all, I really want to apologise for asking you to go for her in the first place, I really thought she was a good girl but let's just be honest, you definitely deserve better than that. I'm really mad at you for being so desperate for her when she treats you like shit. Like seriously, I know she loves you and stuff, I understand if she is always jealous and stuff, but not telling other GUYS that you are her boyfriend and still continues flirting with them!!!!! That's not why i am mad, im mad cause i see you as my everything! like literally my everything and she treats you like shit! thinking about it makes me feel really mad. Yes! You are fine with it but have you ever consider how i feel? When you know how much you are worth, you shouldn't settle with anything less. SERIOUSLY. I hope you find someone who really appreciates you. I have been thinking a lot about you and stuffs. Might need more time to heal and stuff but i still hope you would reconsider about us getting back together and try things out. Well, it is just a suggestion also la. Taiwan was shit but you were there for me and I am grateful. A lot of unpleasant things have occurred and I am glad I am able to be there for you :) I Love You.
Love,
Me

Letter

Dear Baby,
This week finally came where i gave you all your presents (you already know most of it :/ ). Things did not happen the way we planned but it was still a pleasant time. We fought really bad this week too. One of the worst. Our relationship is really just funny. I love you, you love me, but we can't be together and we are always hurting each other but then gets back together again. Haha. End of MUFY means our relationship is unpredictable now. I really love your long long message cause it makes me feel really wanted. i really love you and im flying tomorrow while you have your operation. you are an angel to me and dont you ever forget that. screw what other people do to you, you can always lean on me :) all the best for everything especially tomorrow :)
Love,
ME :)

A letter to you.

Dear Aaron,
Well, I have made this blog purely for both of us to just remember the memories that we have gone through, though this is just a summary of what happened in 11 months but i know you can always reflect or maybe not of these memories. It has really been a pleasure knowing you and falling in love with you. You would always ask me why I love you so much and why I treat you so good. Well, it is actually a question you ask yourself. How did you find me and fell for me? We have really been through a lot of ups and downs. We have never given up on each other and I love you so dearly. Thank you for coming into my life and I hope I am able to make you feel special :) I don't know how our future will be but I know we will be bestest friends even if we are not lovers. I have learnt to understand more and change my personality to become a better person because of you. I hope you have a blessed birthday. Please know that you are an angel sent from God so please, you are worth it. Believe in yourself. This is my 40th letter to you. I love you :)
Love,
Me

What have i gotten myself into?

They are getting closer and she likes him, he likes her. Soon, I didn't know where I stand. I knew it was the price I had to pay for asking him to go for her but suddenly, i felt like i lost everything. I used to be able to tell him everything anytime but now, i had to see which timing was suitable and day by day, we would quarrel and fight because of that. I hated myself, I thought i was able to take it, I thought i would be okay but i wasn't. I have never felt so hurt and jealous all my life when i knew that he was trying his best to balance both of us. PMS surely did not help as i gotten more grumpy during that period. I really felt sorry for him cause he have even fought physically cause of this. But he never left. He would always compromise with my dramatic scenes and just talk to me nicely. I really cant leave him even though everyone else asked me to. I loved him too much.

Ugly. Ugly.

He told me one night when we were both cuddling each other that we were not able to be together and that was when it happened the second time. I really did not know what to do but what i do know is that whatever happens between me and him, i want him to be happy. I agreed to to be friends with him and also asked him to go for another girl. I did not know what comes after is far more than i can chew

Holiday mood

I went back to hometown and he went back to his. Everyday no doubt there would be skyping between us. We would skype all day long and never got tired of each other. There are times when we did not even talk but just looking at each other just makes everything feels right.When results came out, he failed his maths and we talked about getting into the same classes. He would do maths and be in the same class as me so we can help each other.

Things will get better

I guess, instead of giving up, I started caring for him more. I started buying lunch for him and did everything I could to be with him. It was easy after I confronted one of the girls about what I did not like about them but slowly, he was treating me better and we became close again. Soon, we were like glued to each other. He would ditch them just to be with me and we would be together during finals to study together. We were like lovers again.

Things are getting ugly.

I would always wait for him to go to college every Sunday night. One night while i was waiting, he came back but he totally ignored me cause his friend was asking him to talk to him. I felt really hurt and that was the first time we fought. When I thought that was the only thing that could go wrong, everything was going wrong. Soon, he made friends with people in the apartment and they got quite close, especially with one of the girls. They would chase each other, hug each other, play with each other in front of me. That was when I got really jealous and confronted him. However, instead of coming up with a solution, we ended up fighting. For one whole month, we have been fighting non stop and we came to a conclusion that we would pause and just be friends. I was devastated and more problems appeared. The moment he told me he did not love me as much as he did in the beginning, my heart really shattered.