Last of the year

Hello Aaron (first time),
Haaaaaa.... One year..... Just like that. I have known for one year already. Im sorry but this is just so hard for me to imagine that once was a stranger is now the guy I cant live without. A lot has happened between our friendship and relationship. Let's go down a trip to memory lane. I still remember my first friend in sunway, in MUFY, sat next to you and had the same english class. Then you started approaching me, holding my hand and we started to text a lot. Slowly, I showed you all my pictures during chinese new year and you even celebrated my birthday with me. Just like that, we got together without even asking each other. Having the urge to kiss me after one week of being together, you would always play with my lips when I lay on your lap. It was after that then you kissed me on the lips. We sucked in kissing but we would practise it every night. Slowly, we started sharing dinner and I would I always wait for you to eat dinner with me. As times past, you started to have more indian friends but I was just stuck to you. I guess after that a lot of bad things happened and we were fighting non stop. But we somehow pulled it off. After that, we were closer than ever, we would spend so much time together. I felt really special and happy. Remembering the one week of holiday in March when I played you the first song but I never really got the chance cause you were so busy with them. Slowly, you did not want to go to the foyer, not even to see me but i would still go to school just to hope you would appear. Not to forget when you left your wallet at rock, we ran all the way back to take it. I would always walk you back before I walk back to hostel cause you were scared of the dark and walking alone. After sem 1, we both were apart for one month and we would keep in touch always, skyping and texting like always, playing FIFA against each other. As I thought we were destined to be together, reality hit me and told me we have no future together. The beginning was the toughest time ever for me, I cried so much, I went crazy so much, I just lost myself. But slowly I was able to pick myself back up again. Buying you stuff and pampering you more became something I do because I just cant get you off my mind. Making your birthday special was in my mind all year long and I was glad i was able to make yo cry :P But i  really wanted to go graduation night with you. The new year is coming and I would like to show you my gratitude for you coming into my life. You are the only person I have loved with all my heart and I wont stop.Thank you for coming into my life. All my life I have never depended on anyone especially my emotions and you were the first one i express and depend on. I am sorry for all the dramas and hurt i have caused to you. I hope you understand.  I am really proud of you and what you have achieved and i wish you the best for your future, I hope that we would still be able to be best friends until forever.
Much love,
Tham

Confession

This is not a letter to you but a confession that I think you should know about. There are things you do not know about my past which I have not told you (maybe). Well, my policy was always to be as strong as guys, sometimes even stronger. I never needed to depend on anyone or anything my whole life. I dont ever like EVER show any weakness to people. People tend to see me as someone very great because I go through every shit by myself without shedding a tear. Knowing that I depend on you and show my true self to you makes you someone very important to me. You think that I over react to create havoc but actually it is just my way to show my opinion. I dont expect anyone to understand la

Thanks so much

Dear Bie,
This week was such a magical week. It was fairly good and bad. but thanks so much for taking time and effort to bring us here and there. it was really such an awesome time to be able to play the jet ski with you and play in the beach with you, it was so awesome la. hahahahaha. i hope you enjoyed yourself too :) hahahaaha. did we fight ah? no right? hahahaha!!!!! well, i love you so much and im sorry if i lied to you :) i hope you like everything i got u and the hard disc i got you. take it as a motivation for you to strive in your future. make sure you take something that you are passionate about kay? I will support you in any way i can :) love you!
Love,
Me

Happy

Dear Mr. Panda,
After one month being away with you, I finally met you! How have you been? I'm doing alright I guess. Been so busy trying to firgure out my life :) I haven't had a lot contact with you because I guess you were visiting most of the time and I was busy with family. I'm glad that everything is settled down and I get to spend some time with you. Thank you so much for dropping me when you were so busy with ur uncle. I really appreciate it. I love you :) hope our friendship will last long :)
Love,
Me

For you

Hey Mr. Panda,
OMG Mr. Panda is like the cutest thing ever. HAAHAHAHAHAHA. ahhhhhh.... this week is such an up and down week. i cried so much this week. first i cried cause you did not reach 72% cause i really wanted you to study in monash with me but its okay that u are studying in Sunway too. I am glad that you got the course that you wanted and enjoy :). i cried again later on cause i tot  thought i was going to lose you cause we wont be talking much and made a drama scene out of it. Im sorry, i shouldn't irrupted. Family problems came up this week and thanks for being there for me. Im happy that you and Wini are doing fine and yea I do get jealous when you talk about how much you want to be with her but hey, im cool :) i love you so much and i love knowing you are happy. i might over react a lot of times but thats for being so understanding. i really appreciate it a lot. I love u so much, way more than i have loved anyone else. hehehehehe xD you are my everything and i love u.
Love,
Mua

Aye?

Hello Mr. Panda,
One week just passed by like that. We have fought a lot due to my PMS i guess and im really sorry about it. I want to just tell you that I once was afraid that someone might take my place in your heart on day and sooner or later you are gonna forget about me and leave me. You might get mad by thinking how immature my thoughts are. haha. Well, I think, now, I just hope you are able to be with someone that loves you more than I do, cares for you, makes me happy and maybe even do things that i have never done for you. Im on a constant battle with my jealousy but I just never really told you about it cause you'd probably think why am i so insecure when you try to give your best to me. I don't know why up until now im still so jealous la. I just know I really love you la.
Love,
Me

you deserve better

Dear Bie,
A week has past in just a blink of an eye. I flew to Taiwan and you had your surgery which was the key point to everything. First of all, I really want to apologise for asking you to go for her in the first place, I really thought she was a good girl but let's just be honest, you definitely deserve better than that. I'm really mad at you for being so desperate for her when she treats you like shit. Like seriously, I know she loves you and stuff, I understand if she is always jealous and stuff, but not telling other GUYS that you are her boyfriend and still continues flirting with them!!!!! That's not why i am mad, im mad cause i see you as my everything! like literally my everything and she treats you like shit! thinking about it makes me feel really mad. Yes! You are fine with it but have you ever consider how i feel? When you know how much you are worth, you shouldn't settle with anything less. SERIOUSLY. I hope you find someone who really appreciates you. I have been thinking a lot about you and stuffs. Might need more time to heal and stuff but i still hope you would reconsider about us getting back together and try things out. Well, it is just a suggestion also la. Taiwan was shit but you were there for me and I am grateful. A lot of unpleasant things have occurred and I am glad I am able to be there for you :) I Love You.
Love,
Me

Letter

Dear Baby,
This week finally came where i gave you all your presents (you already know most of it :/ ). Things did not happen the way we planned but it was still a pleasant time. We fought really bad this week too. One of the worst. Our relationship is really just funny. I love you, you love me, but we can't be together and we are always hurting each other but then gets back together again. Haha. End of MUFY means our relationship is unpredictable now. I really love your long long message cause it makes me feel really wanted. i really love you and im flying tomorrow while you have your operation. you are an angel to me and dont you ever forget that. screw what other people do to you, you can always lean on me :) all the best for everything especially tomorrow :)
Love,
ME :)

A letter to you.

Dear Aaron,
Well, I have made this blog purely for both of us to just remember the memories that we have gone through, though this is just a summary of what happened in 11 months but i know you can always reflect or maybe not of these memories. It has really been a pleasure knowing you and falling in love with you. You would always ask me why I love you so much and why I treat you so good. Well, it is actually a question you ask yourself. How did you find me and fell for me? We have really been through a lot of ups and downs. We have never given up on each other and I love you so dearly. Thank you for coming into my life and I hope I am able to make you feel special :) I don't know how our future will be but I know we will be bestest friends even if we are not lovers. I have learnt to understand more and change my personality to become a better person because of you. I hope you have a blessed birthday. Please know that you are an angel sent from God so please, you are worth it. Believe in yourself. This is my 40th letter to you. I love you :)
Love,
Me

What have i gotten myself into?

They are getting closer and she likes him, he likes her. Soon, I didn't know where I stand. I knew it was the price I had to pay for asking him to go for her but suddenly, i felt like i lost everything. I used to be able to tell him everything anytime but now, i had to see which timing was suitable and day by day, we would quarrel and fight because of that. I hated myself, I thought i was able to take it, I thought i would be okay but i wasn't. I have never felt so hurt and jealous all my life when i knew that he was trying his best to balance both of us. PMS surely did not help as i gotten more grumpy during that period. I really felt sorry for him cause he have even fought physically cause of this. But he never left. He would always compromise with my dramatic scenes and just talk to me nicely. I really cant leave him even though everyone else asked me to. I loved him too much.

Ugly. Ugly.

He told me one night when we were both cuddling each other that we were not able to be together and that was when it happened the second time. I really did not know what to do but what i do know is that whatever happens between me and him, i want him to be happy. I agreed to to be friends with him and also asked him to go for another girl. I did not know what comes after is far more than i can chew

Holiday mood

I went back to hometown and he went back to his. Everyday no doubt there would be skyping between us. We would skype all day long and never got tired of each other. There are times when we did not even talk but just looking at each other just makes everything feels right.When results came out, he failed his maths and we talked about getting into the same classes. He would do maths and be in the same class as me so we can help each other.

Things will get better

I guess, instead of giving up, I started caring for him more. I started buying lunch for him and did everything I could to be with him. It was easy after I confronted one of the girls about what I did not like about them but slowly, he was treating me better and we became close again. Soon, we were like glued to each other. He would ditch them just to be with me and we would be together during finals to study together. We were like lovers again.

Things are getting ugly.

I would always wait for him to go to college every Sunday night. One night while i was waiting, he came back but he totally ignored me cause his friend was asking him to talk to him. I felt really hurt and that was the first time we fought. When I thought that was the only thing that could go wrong, everything was going wrong. Soon, he made friends with people in the apartment and they got quite close, especially with one of the girls. They would chase each other, hug each other, play with each other in front of me. That was when I got really jealous and confronted him. However, instead of coming up with a solution, we ended up fighting. For one whole month, we have been fighting non stop and we came to a conclusion that we would pause and just be friends. I was devastated and more problems appeared. The moment he told me he did not love me as much as he did in the beginning, my heart really shattered.

Happy moments

We began seeing each other and he kissed me on the lips for the first time after one week of being together. Things were just like dejavu where I just couldn't wait to be with him and see him and just to have him near me. I did all kinds of things to keep myself busy so I would not text him to annoy him cause he was really busy. Day by day we were together, the more i have understand him. I felt like he was always filling up the emptiness inside of me as I was always alone and had not much of friends. I knew that he was the only one there.

I guess we are together?

I got back from Kuching back to KL and all I wanted to do was to see him. I did not know why but that was all i wanted to do. When I went back to college he was already there and we spent the night together where he slept on my shoulder and held my hand. I felt really happy and that was when he told me that he loved me. He spent my birthday with me where everyone else did not bother and I really was happy that he was there for me. He gave me a box of chocolates which I still have with me till today. I asked him whether or not he was serious with me and he told me he was so i told my parents which was the worst idea ever.

I think im falling for him

As Chinese New Year was getting closer, so was our relationship, it came to a point where he would hold my hand for no reason and i would just let him do so. So when I got to the airport to get home, he was texting me all the way until i reached home. I felt really nice, and i have fell for him when I did not even know. I sent him photos of everything during Chinese New Year, talked to him all day long and as the time goes, I have gotten more attached to him then i ever knew. I was scared at the same time cause i did not know whether or not he was serious or we were just in a flirtation ship. He was also an indian which my family were not fond of which made me really uneasy.

Getting closer.

As time goes by, me and Aaron started talking a lot in class and we came to a point where we had exchanged phone numbers. He would ask me to call him whenever i need any help. He would always text whenever i was just a few seconds late and he would always asked me where was I. I did not really thought about anything but just that he was really a good friend. I remembered telling him how hot a guy was and he would tell me not to go for that guy. Soon, we were texting each other daily and he would call me a monkey and we would text even in class. Something was special between us and things that were unexpected are starting to happen.

First day of school

First day of school and I had my hands clenched as I couldn't stop myself from shaking. I walked into class not knowing who I'll meet or how my teacher would be. I was alone and preferred to be alone. We were asked to introduce ourselves as the tradition long lives and soon, in a blink of an eye, it was time for English. I went in the class to see Aaron there, saved a seat but not for me. Yikes, what a embarrassing moment when I just there without asking. We talked awhile while waiting for the teacher to come and I found out I was asking him the same old question I asked such as where he was from and etc. We laughed at my stupidity and how forgetful I was. He then asked for my number and told me that I could always find him. English class ended just like that, I waved him goodbye as he was leaving back to his hometown approximately an hour drive and bid safe journey.

Orientation

I remembered it like it was just yesterday. Being a freshie in a new school away from home, walking with Amanda, my roommate and friend to SW-2-2 and opening the door to find that the room was so packed. Out in the blue i saw a place for two of us to sit and at the seat near to the wall was an indian, small in size, big eyes, long lashes, short but curly hair with some moustache. "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here? Can we sit here?" I asked. "Sure." he replied. "So what's your name?" I began saying while clearing my throat hoping it won't make the moment awkward. "Aaron. Yours?" he replied. "I'm Tham and if you can remember my name, look at your thumb and think of me! And that is Amanda". That was how we started the conversation and I soon found out that he was from Negeri Sembilan while I was just a mere Sarawakian. The time when the ice breaking game started where we had to ask people what they like and their names, I felt like an introvert and all I had turn to was Aaron. After that, we were sent away to the hall where I do not recall of seeing him again the rest of the day. After some days during orientation, there was a tour in Monash and attendance was compulsory and that was when I met up with him again. Surprisingly, our group of friends or cliques they say were the same and i sat next to him during lunch time and we ate together, talked a bit and joked around. Ahhhhh.... Soon it was time to register our classes and I remember running around trying to be same classes as my friends as much as I can. I ran to him to found out that we only had one class together which was English and we can't be in the same maths class cause i remember seeing his name on the 'special needs' class. And so, that was our first meeting which I never thought that more was waiting for me.