Aye?

Hello Mr. Panda,
One week just passed by like that. We have fought a lot due to my PMS i guess and im really sorry about it. I want to just tell you that I once was afraid that someone might take my place in your heart on day and sooner or later you are gonna forget about me and leave me. You might get mad by thinking how immature my thoughts are. haha. Well, I think, now, I just hope you are able to be with someone that loves you more than I do, cares for you, makes me happy and maybe even do things that i have never done for you. Im on a constant battle with my jealousy but I just never really told you about it cause you'd probably think why am i so insecure when you try to give your best to me. I don't know why up until now im still so jealous la. I just know I really love you la.
Love,
Me

you deserve better

Dear Bie,
A week has past in just a blink of an eye. I flew to Taiwan and you had your surgery which was the key point to everything. First of all, I really want to apologise for asking you to go for her in the first place, I really thought she was a good girl but let's just be honest, you definitely deserve better than that. I'm really mad at you for being so desperate for her when she treats you like shit. Like seriously, I know she loves you and stuff, I understand if she is always jealous and stuff, but not telling other GUYS that you are her boyfriend and still continues flirting with them!!!!! That's not why i am mad, im mad cause i see you as my everything! like literally my everything and she treats you like shit! thinking about it makes me feel really mad. Yes! You are fine with it but have you ever consider how i feel? When you know how much you are worth, you shouldn't settle with anything less. SERIOUSLY. I hope you find someone who really appreciates you. I have been thinking a lot about you and stuffs. Might need more time to heal and stuff but i still hope you would reconsider about us getting back together and try things out. Well, it is just a suggestion also la. Taiwan was shit but you were there for me and I am grateful. A lot of unpleasant things have occurred and I am glad I am able to be there for you :) I Love You.
Love,
Me

Letter

Dear Baby,
This week finally came where i gave you all your presents (you already know most of it :/ ). Things did not happen the way we planned but it was still a pleasant time. We fought really bad this week too. One of the worst. Our relationship is really just funny. I love you, you love me, but we can't be together and we are always hurting each other but then gets back together again. Haha. End of MUFY means our relationship is unpredictable now. I really love your long long message cause it makes me feel really wanted. i really love you and im flying tomorrow while you have your operation. you are an angel to me and dont you ever forget that. screw what other people do to you, you can always lean on me :) all the best for everything especially tomorrow :)
Love,
ME :)

A letter to you.

Dear Aaron,
Well, I have made this blog purely for both of us to just remember the memories that we have gone through, though this is just a summary of what happened in 11 months but i know you can always reflect or maybe not of these memories. It has really been a pleasure knowing you and falling in love with you. You would always ask me why I love you so much and why I treat you so good. Well, it is actually a question you ask yourself. How did you find me and fell for me? We have really been through a lot of ups and downs. We have never given up on each other and I love you so dearly. Thank you for coming into my life and I hope I am able to make you feel special :) I don't know how our future will be but I know we will be bestest friends even if we are not lovers. I have learnt to understand more and change my personality to become a better person because of you. I hope you have a blessed birthday. Please know that you are an angel sent from God so please, you are worth it. Believe in yourself. This is my 40th letter to you. I love you :)
Love,
Me

What have i gotten myself into?

They are getting closer and she likes him, he likes her. Soon, I didn't know where I stand. I knew it was the price I had to pay for asking him to go for her but suddenly, i felt like i lost everything. I used to be able to tell him everything anytime but now, i had to see which timing was suitable and day by day, we would quarrel and fight because of that. I hated myself, I thought i was able to take it, I thought i would be okay but i wasn't. I have never felt so hurt and jealous all my life when i knew that he was trying his best to balance both of us. PMS surely did not help as i gotten more grumpy during that period. I really felt sorry for him cause he have even fought physically cause of this. But he never left. He would always compromise with my dramatic scenes and just talk to me nicely. I really cant leave him even though everyone else asked me to. I loved him too much.

Ugly. Ugly.

He told me one night when we were both cuddling each other that we were not able to be together and that was when it happened the second time. I really did not know what to do but what i do know is that whatever happens between me and him, i want him to be happy. I agreed to to be friends with him and also asked him to go for another girl. I did not know what comes after is far more than i can chew

Holiday mood

I went back to hometown and he went back to his. Everyday no doubt there would be skyping between us. We would skype all day long and never got tired of each other. There are times when we did not even talk but just looking at each other just makes everything feels right.When results came out, he failed his maths and we talked about getting into the same classes. He would do maths and be in the same class as me so we can help each other.

Things will get better

I guess, instead of giving up, I started caring for him more. I started buying lunch for him and did everything I could to be with him. It was easy after I confronted one of the girls about what I did not like about them but slowly, he was treating me better and we became close again. Soon, we were like glued to each other. He would ditch them just to be with me and we would be together during finals to study together. We were like lovers again.

Things are getting ugly.

I would always wait for him to go to college every Sunday night. One night while i was waiting, he came back but he totally ignored me cause his friend was asking him to talk to him. I felt really hurt and that was the first time we fought. When I thought that was the only thing that could go wrong, everything was going wrong. Soon, he made friends with people in the apartment and they got quite close, especially with one of the girls. They would chase each other, hug each other, play with each other in front of me. That was when I got really jealous and confronted him. However, instead of coming up with a solution, we ended up fighting. For one whole month, we have been fighting non stop and we came to a conclusion that we would pause and just be friends. I was devastated and more problems appeared. The moment he told me he did not love me as much as he did in the beginning, my heart really shattered.

Happy moments

We began seeing each other and he kissed me on the lips for the first time after one week of being together. Things were just like dejavu where I just couldn't wait to be with him and see him and just to have him near me. I did all kinds of things to keep myself busy so I would not text him to annoy him cause he was really busy. Day by day we were together, the more i have understand him. I felt like he was always filling up the emptiness inside of me as I was always alone and had not much of friends. I knew that he was the only one there.

I guess we are together?

I got back from Kuching back to KL and all I wanted to do was to see him. I did not know why but that was all i wanted to do. When I went back to college he was already there and we spent the night together where he slept on my shoulder and held my hand. I felt really happy and that was when he told me that he loved me. He spent my birthday with me where everyone else did not bother and I really was happy that he was there for me. He gave me a box of chocolates which I still have with me till today. I asked him whether or not he was serious with me and he told me he was so i told my parents which was the worst idea ever.

I think im falling for him

As Chinese New Year was getting closer, so was our relationship, it came to a point where he would hold my hand for no reason and i would just let him do so. So when I got to the airport to get home, he was texting me all the way until i reached home. I felt really nice, and i have fell for him when I did not even know. I sent him photos of everything during Chinese New Year, talked to him all day long and as the time goes, I have gotten more attached to him then i ever knew. I was scared at the same time cause i did not know whether or not he was serious or we were just in a flirtation ship. He was also an indian which my family were not fond of which made me really uneasy.

Getting closer.

As time goes by, me and Aaron started talking a lot in class and we came to a point where we had exchanged phone numbers. He would ask me to call him whenever i need any help. He would always text whenever i was just a few seconds late and he would always asked me where was I. I did not really thought about anything but just that he was really a good friend. I remembered telling him how hot a guy was and he would tell me not to go for that guy. Soon, we were texting each other daily and he would call me a monkey and we would text even in class. Something was special between us and things that were unexpected are starting to happen.